Analyzing the AL East- as motorcoaches

I believe it was Peter Gammons who said, "On the road of life, there are passengers and there are drivers." Actually, wait- no. I think that was a Subaru ad. Whatever the case, here is a comparison of the current state of American League East teams and automobiles.


Boston Red Sox (1st place, 49-30)- TOYOTA AVALON- We haven't gone with a model this, well, Japanese before. This thing works better than we thought! I mean, yeah, we paid for the nicer model with the extra features, but I didn't didn't think I'd be so happy with it. And if we feel up to it, it still has room for upgrades (Lester, the annual shortstop replacement). Still, we can't be certain how well it'll perform once the weather starts to turn in October.



Toronto Blue Jays (2nd place, 39-41, 10.5 games back, 7.5 back in Wild Card race)- VW GOLF- Safe, dependable, foreign. While always pretty decent, nobody is envious of a product that has a couple nice features (Vernon Wells, Halladay, good gas mileage), yet rarely turns heads. For the record, I drive a golf and I am not a jays fan. Probably time for a new "whip".





New York Yankees (3rd place, 37-40, 11 games back, 8 back in Wild Card race)
- ANY LATE MODEL JAGUAR- Are parts that cost this much money supposed to break down so often? While once the finest that money could buy, deep-pocketed yet impractical ownership has led to a product that just doesn't carry the same luster it used to. Will always have its loyal supporters, but sure doesn't resemble its classy, dominant forefathers.




Baltimore Orioles (4th place, 35-44, 14 games back, 11 back in Wild Card race)
- HUMMER H2-This was cool idea at first. Big price tag, highly visible. Then, after commuting regularly in this money-pit, you realize that you've invested everything in a stunning combination of high cost/poor performance. Too bad 36 monthly payments still exist. Where can I park this thing?



Tampa Bay Devil Rays (5th place, 33-46, 16 games back, 13 back in Wild Card race)- HYUNDAI TIBURON- Sure it looks hot, but it's still a Hyundai anyway you cut it. Don't fool yourself into thinking its a sporty alternative, this is not something you want to have anything to do with. They even both have weird, undiscernable "fishy-like" logos. Some major malfunctions (Edwin Jackson, Rocco).