TheLefty.net

Hitler is a Cowboys fan

2008-01-23T08:03:00.000-08:00

Hi. Welcome back. When it comes to blogging, I'm Lawrence Tynes. Just when you came to trust that I would provide some sort of sports-related enrichment to your web-surfing routine, I blew it. I haven't posted in months. My excuses: new job, el Nino, laziness and the fallen stock market. But like Larry Tynes, I come through when you thought it was all over... This video is hilarious. Maybe der fuhrer will reignite my blogging passion. (Whoa- that sounded much worse than I intended.) Enjoy...

(Thanks Steve!)

2007-08-02T15:44:00.000-07:00

Check out Chris McAllister's truck. He calls it "King Kong". Whatever. You can tell this monstrosity somehow makes him feel huge, weh the reality is that it makes him look like Emmanuel Lewis.

You can read all about it in a recent Baltimore Sun post.

Some other great links you may enjoy:
- Charlie Hustle swears at kids
- Mutombo may bring "sex party" to Boston
- Man U. recruiting 9-year old
- OJ's hilarious talk show appearance

2007-08-01T08:41:00.000-07:00

Oh-seven is the year of the Boston sports fan,

The signing of Dice-K is when it began.

Early winter started the fun,
with John Henry's dough, Theo got it done.

With the Japanese ace came a quiet surprise-
his friend named "Okey" who would soon open eyes.

"Okey", the All-Star wasn't the only one new
Also to join were Donnelly, Lugo and Drew.

These three kind of suck, but they are part of the plan.
Oh-seven is the year of the Boston sports fan.

Sure the Celtics and Bruins stunk up the Hub
But big things were to come- even for these two clubs.

Spring rolled around- pitchers and catchers report
The Japanese media took over the Fort.

The Pats made waves, telling Dillon "good-bye,"
Adalius Thomas was Belichick's guy.

The Patriots continued- getting Donte and Wes,
The Bruins and Celtics finished up their mess.

The Sox broke camp and busted out of the gate,
Josh Beckett won three, then five, then eight.

The weather warmed- we heard again from Belichick-
The Pats get Moss for a fourth round pick!?

Okey exclaimed to his friends in Japan:
"Oh-seven is the year of the Boston sports fan."

At the end of June, the NBA draft arrived.
with the Celtics the owner of crappy pick five.

With Oden and Durant headed out West,
Danny Ainge's career was put to the test.

Crappy pick five was shipped out of town,
In came Ray Allen- the best shooter around.

Sure Ray was great, but Paul Pierce wanted more.
He didn't know yet, but he'd get it for sure...

As July heated up, the Bruins tried their luck,
they added their own Manny- to defend the puck.

Manny Fernandez was a small part of the plan.
Okey repeated, "oh-seven was the year of the Boston fan."

July got warmer, but the Sox cooled a bit.
A-Rod and The Yankees continued to hit.

A Papi-sized lead shrunk to Coco-width space,
a concerned expression washed over Okey's face.

With a seven game lead, Theo got on the phone
To Texas, he called- with a plan of his own.

July thirty-first was baseball's last day to deal
but the Celtics were the ones with the blockbuster feel.

They traded Big Al, and the rest of the squad,
to land the "Big Ticket", a basketball god.

Pierce, Garnett, and of course old Ray
held up their jerseys, as if to say:

In the weak Eastern conference we're again for real-
Now, Red Sox, its your turn to deal.

Some prospects and Gabbard were dealt from the Sox
for a bespectacled reliever the size of an ox.

This poem isn't finished, there's much to be done
There's games to be taken and titles to be won.

With Okey, Moss and Garnett- it's in the can.
Oh-seven will be the year of the Boston sports fan.

Strange Stats: No place like home

2007-08-01T07:42:00.000-07:00

I don't pay much attention to the Houston Astros. While perusing the MLB standings today , I had to do a double take after looking at their 18-35 on the road. Only the D'Rays have a worse record as visitors. How can a team like the 'Stros- who play winning baseball at Minute Maid Park (28-25) be so ugly away? If anyone knows - leave a comment. Check out these ridiculous home-road splits from the majority of the Houston rotation.

Roy Oswalt
Home: 7-1, 2.30 ERA, 1.17 WHIP, .239 BAA
Away: 3-5, 5.95 ERA, 1.70 WHIP, .309 BAA

Wandy Rodriguez
Home:.6-2, 1.76 ERA, .93 WHIP, .202 BAA
Away: 1-7, 7.43 ERA, 1.65 WHIP, .314 BAA

Chris Sampson
Home: 3-3, 4.14 ERA, 1.25 WHIP, .268 BAA
Away: 4-5, 4.86 ERA, 1.41 WHIP, ..304 BAA

eBay item of the week: Michael Vick bonanza!

2007-07-26T09:03:00.001-07:00

Normally, our "eBay item of the week" requires just a singular item to be pulled from the world's Internet junk sale. But this week, a veritable "Michael Vick item buyers guide" is necessary to make sure that the finest "Ookie" souvenirs are brought into the limelight. We went with a top ten:

The chance to agree that Vick is "a bad man" (not the Muhammad Ali way) for only seven bucks. Although this apparently goes to charity, I don't see it being a successful campaign. Just not funny enough.

Action figure with dog biting him. This is not a good buy. The symbolism is just kind of weak on this one.

"ConVick" tee. There are dozens of new Vick tee-shirts on eBay. Many go the "Vick Dog Training School" route and some just say un-funny things like "Sack Vick". I like the ConVick tee. It says what you need ot to say and it covers all of your bases, because you never know what this guy is up to next!

The chance to Burn a Michael Vick jersey for charity (fire permit not included).

Pictures of a shepherd ripping up a Mike Vick action figure. Does this fulfill some bizarre fetish of some sort? This guy ran out, somehow flavored his Mike Vick action figure with bacon or something, and then had fido eat it so he could sell the pictures on eBay.

SaveVick.com (and .info!) starting for only $5,000. As Haggs pointed out, the idea of a freevick.com domain seems like a better buy. We checked- this domain is gone. So is freeronmexico.com and freemike.com. However, whycouldntthishavebeenjoeyharrington.com is still available.

"Dog Fight" record- Okay this really has nothing to do with Vick, but a nice piece of vinyl for the discerning collector.

Michael Vick is a"Piece of Crap" button, which would look great on your...

Michael Vick is a"Piece of shit" tank top. Show the world what "is" and "isn't" a piece of shit, while also flaunting your guns.

Georgia "dogfightr" license plate. Perfect addition to any Southerner's ride.

If you find any other "Ookie" merchandise we should be aware of, drop a link in the comments. (Thanks to Deadspin and OregonLive for the mentions.)

Update: The "Ookie Cookie" tee has been called to my attention. Clearly a chart-topper.

The Fast and the Furious: Chuck E. Cheese

2007-07-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

If only the Milwaukee Bucks had seen this video in time; they may have gone with this guy over the troublesome Yi Jianlian...

Imagine what this guy must have pulled at the ricket redemption counter! "Ummm, I'll take the trip to Aruba and errr... the kangaroo shoes."

Also, check out the following:
- Mr. Rogers mishap
- Voice of UNH Hockey busted in craigslist hooker sting
- Guy performs back flip off side of moving truck.
- Haggs has nice breakdown of Teixeira rumors /possibilities/ stats

Cool Jobs: Official Score Keeper

2007-07-24T22:33:00.000-07:00

Besides his duties as a veteran Red Sox reporter/contributor for MLB.com (and backstop for the Sox media baseball squad), good friend Mike Petraglia mans the post of "official score keepers" for the Olde Town Team. (Mike is part of a rotation that scores games for the Sox- this is standard MLB procedure as designated by the clubs. Chaz Scoggins and Mike Shalin also perform the duty.)

Mike was kind enough to shed some light on an under-appreciated gig that affects how the games we watch will be regarded long after we are gone.

Q: Are there any fun perks to being the official score keeper? What's the best part about the job that people might not be aware of?

Mike Petraglia: Without question, the best perk is the view from the front row of the press box. When I'm not scoring, I'm sitting in the third row so it's a HUGE upgrade. Parking is provided for games I'm scoring. That's also a pretty big deal around Fenway!

Q: How often do you find yourself "50-50" on deciding whether a play is an error or hit? What do you do if this happens?

MP: This is the most challenging aspect of the job. And there have been several occasions this season (which I'll get to later) that have been around the 50-50 barometer. Here's my rule of thumb which I think is the most fair and equitable to all - If it's a play that CLEARLY should be made and isn't, then it's an error. Anything less than that, I lean toward a hit. There are several other factors to be considered as well, including field conditions, weather conditions (wind, rain, etc.). You anticipate as many game situations as possible.

Q: Is it true that scorekeepers sometimes receive flack from players if a ruling doesn't go their way?

MP: In the old days, sometimes. But now there is a very formal and official procedure to be followed. If a player wants to question a call, he contacts a club public relations official and that official notifies the official scorer and then the O.S. reviews tape of the play and makes a final decision.

Q: You mentioned your press box perch - do media members up there grumble and groan over your decisions? Are there any specific culprits?

MP: No and no. Writers are very respectful and get the idea that all official scorers take the job very seriously. They all appreciate a quick, concise and ACCURATE judgment being announced over the P.A. Writers appreciate a quick, clean and firm ruling. If you rule concisely and firmly, you are generally very respected.

Q: Give us your best (favorite) and worst (most agonizing) moments on the job thus far.

MP: My favorite moment came in my first game. Very appropriately, it was Red Sox-Yankees on a Saturday afternoon on national TV and everything went smoothly. The moment came when David Ortiz fouled a ball back at me, knocking my coffee over and the ball popped into my hands. Next pitch was an Ortiz HR to right. My most agonizing had to be July 3, Red Sox-Devil Rays and Akinori Iwamura lines a ball off the Monster. Crisp throws a one-hop to Pedroia. Pedroia fields cleanly and turns around and tags Iwamura and the ball pops out. I rule hit and an error before reviewing the totality of the play and changing to a double. What makes that so difficult is trying to make a ruling without all the information at your fingertips. But it's also what makes it rewarding when you get the play right.

Awful Rumor Sacked

2007-07-24T21:01:00.000-07:00

Earlier this evening, we got wind of a horrible rumor that spread like a dark cloud over New England and across Internet message boards. The conjecture? More than two years after surviving a stroke, Tedy Bruschi had been taken into Caritas Hospital in Norwood, MA, and had possibly died. One source told us that the rumor originated at the hospital (possibly a staffer).

Rest assured, Tedy (a father of three boys) is okay- Stacey James (Patriots media relations) issued a statement on behalf of the linebacker confirming his well being. Still, this clarification came long after North Attleboro (Bruschi's home) police and fire departments had been contacted by legions of concerned media types and local sports radio asked worried listeners (around 9:30pm) to disregard the rumor (without actually describing what the "rumor" was).

It wasn't until Patriot's trusty beat-man Tom Curran filed this post from Atlanta that any clarification was made public. Yikes.

As the sports world buzzes with controversy concerning Vick, Tim Donaghy and Barry Bonds- this dreadful (and thankfully baseless) rumor sheds some perspective on the the type of sports icon that we should all be thankful for.

Bruce at BSMW was all over this. To go along with some more insight on the source, here's a transcription of how one local sports radio station dealt with the situation.
Outlets from outside of New England have been weighing on on this now. This post out of Cleveland seems to point a Stearn finger at the Boston Fox affiliate.
Note: (6 pm 7/25) It seems Curran changed his initial report to cover up for Boston's Fox 25.

(deadspin links to the lefty!)

Why, Captain America? Whyyyy?

2007-07-20T10:32:00.000-07:00

As far as I can tell, this story is in no way related to sports. Still, I thought you should know about it. Here we go- back in April, Florida doctor Raymond Adamcik, 54 was arrested for groping a woman while wearing a Captain America costume. Besides having weed on him and being pretty much wasted, he also had a burrito stuffed in his pants.

Here's a link: Captain America arrested with burrito in pants

And some others you should check out:
- Haggs has Peter Gammons take on struggling Dice-K, the lousiness of Craig Hansen and more...
- Finger baseball: in case you get trapped in an elevator with someone for hours
- ...and even sadder: Quiddich club at Bucknell
- I wish the Red Sox and White Sox would do this before tonight's game
- and finally, the greatness that is- "Chocolate Rain"

Jameel McClain: boxing fan

2007-07-19T20:33:00.000-07:00

I had a chance to chat with Syracuse defensive end Jameel McClain at the Big East media day earlier this week. For Syracuse fans, the big guy may represent the lone bright spot on an Orange team that appears destined to repeat as the conference doormat (apologies to UConn). The 250 lb McClain has been named to the '07 Nagurski watch list (given to nation's best defensive player) after recording 14.5 tackles for a loss and 9.5 sacks in '06.

Though he may be a little undersized at 6'1" (believe me, I saw the guy and would hesitate at calling him "undersized" to his face) the pass rusher is currently seen as a third or fourth rounder in next year's draft.

He's also an avid boxing fan. The Philly native trains in North Philadelphia boxing gyms when he goes home, and is friends with Bernard Hopkins' legendary trainer Naseem Richardson (he's also made time to train with former SU defensive end Dwight Freeney in preparation for '07.) He grew up boxing, and competed in the prestigious Philadelphia Golden Gloves as an adolescent. McClain was ecstatic to share his top five favorite fighters after a long day answering questions about the prospects of his final season with Syracuse.

Jameel McCalin's top five boxers:
1. Floyd Mayweather Jr. (appreciates how willingly Floyd embraces "bad guy" role)
2. Bernard Hopkins (McClain predicts a win by decision over Winky Wright.)
3. Antonio Tarver
4. Ivan "Mighty" Costa (we don't know him either- McClain used to spar with him)
5. Rock Allen

Leave a comment: Who is your favorite boxer now, and of all-time?

Crazy-ass trickery

2007-07-19T11:03:00.000-07:00

While this trick shot is absurdly cool, you have to wonder how many times this guy:
A) set it up incorrectly
B) missed
C) has been on a date with a woman

Nats Fans: Save "Da Meat!"

2007-07-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

With the July 30th trade deadline approaching, Nationals first baseman Dmitri Young seems to be a popular subject of discussion. After a gruesome leg injury felled Washington's regular middle-of-the-order presence Nick Johnson, Washington GM Jim Bowden pulled "Da Meat Hook" off the free agent scrap pile- handing a Nats uniform to a has-been 250 lb'er who was six years removed from his last .300 season.

The switch hitter responded by hitting .397 in May, .377 in June and .367 so far in July. The 34 year old Young is now a logical trading chip for Bowden, who looks to focus on successfully building his (sort of) small market club the only way possible: by acquiring young talent that can develop.

Nats fans are clearly not excited about this prospect.
A campaign called, "Save da Meat" aims to keep the Nationals scuzzy looking, but lovable 1st baseman in a Nationals uniform. Check it out at www.cafepress.com/dameat- buy a tee or a mug.

While this is an admirable gesture, you have to wonder what the proprietor of these "Meat Hook" goods is going to do with all this stuff if Meat is, indeed dealt.

(Thanks to "Coach," Bill Walsh for finding this on the Washington Post's site.)

Vick Odds!

2007-07-19T08:18:00.000-07:00

Wondering if Michael Vick will go to jail? Even money. Will he ever suit up again? You can bet on it. Is dog fighting a lucrative endeavor? You are sick. Thanks to the good folks who run offshore gambling house BetUS.com, we are able to take an educated whack at a few questions circling around the most hideous sports-related story since, ummm... I don't know. Maybe OJ?

Here's a brief sampling of the 39 Ron Mexico-related odds you can lay your money on:

Falcons with Vick
Falcons to Win Superbowl XLII 60/1
Falcons to Make Playoffs 3/1
Vick To Win NFL MVP 08 15/1

Falcons Without Vick
Falcons to Win Superbowl XLII 80/1
Falcons to Make Playoffs 4/1
Falcons Not to Make Playoffs 1/7
Falcons To Win NFC 28/1
Falcons To Win NFC South 9/2

NFL Suspends him: 6/4

Number of games suspended:
Over 3.5 games suspended: 20/23
Under 3.5 games suspended: 20/23
NFL puts him on probation: 1/3

Over/under on money won by Vick on dog fighting:
Over 100k won wagering on dogfights: 20/23
Under 100k won wagering on dogfights: 20/23

Odds that he never plays another NFL game: 20/1
Odds that he is found guilty: 1/2
Odds that he goes to Jail: 1/1
Odds that he serves no time: 1/1

Here are some of our odds on the lefty QB:

- Odds that Vick "shows" at Westminster: 1100/1
- Odds that this pinata will soon be destroyed by angry, dog-loving 4th graders: 1/1
- Odds that he is taught a lesson in the slamma' by a guy named "Mad Dog": 2/1
- Odds that Joey Harrington captures the hearts of Atlanta fans: 25/1
- Odds that karma is hunting down Bobby Petrino for leaving Louisville they way he did: 2/1
- Odds Marcus Vick is alright with being the "stable" Vick all of the sudden: 1/1
- Odds we see Mike Vick striking this pose in the next year: 5/1

Please leave some more "Vick odds" as comments.

Eric Wicks' iPod

2007-07-18T14:26:00.000-07:00

The lefty attended the Big East conferences football media day on Tuesday in Newport, RI. There was much discussion of Brian Brohm's Heisman hopes, Ray Rice's new Heisman tchotchke and of course, the Wannestache. To start things off, I chatted with talented West Virginia safety Eric Wicks, who is listed here as the second best defensive player in one of the nation's best conferences. Besides being a ballhawk and the most aggressive blitzing defensive back in the nation (Wicks led the Mountaineers with seven sacks last season), he's also a music aficionado who is plugged into his iPod unless on the field or at a media obligation.

Here are the last 5 songs listened to by Wicks:
- White Girl (remix) by Young Jeezy
- Dear Mama by 2Pac
- Together by Akon
- This is the Carter by Lil' Wayne
- Country Roads by John Denver

Okay, what? "John Denver?" I asked him. "Yeah", he said, "John Denver is classic. Sometimes you just need to keep it simple and classic." I recommended the version by reggae legend Toots and the Maytals. More Big East material on the way...

Feel free to comment below- post the last song you listened to on the iPod (or radio, or whatever).

Josh vs. Posh

2007-07-15T18:41:00.000-07:00

One is a Texan who grows bad facial hair and throws a curve ball that defies science. The other is a British diva who has a new hairdo every week and is a Scientologist (note: she's not as good as Beckett at tossing the ball around). Both are icons whose every word and action is documented by an unforgiving press corps. Without further ado, the comparative breakdown of Josh Beckett and "Posh" Beckham.

	Josh Beckett	"Posh" Beckham
Allegiance	Sox (ace)	Soccer (piece of aessh)
Picked...	Drafted #2 overall- June 1999	Married- July 1999 (1st overall)
Impressive Streak	9 wins to start 'o7 season	Has been subject of five reality shows
Known Weakness	blisters	paparazzi, Scientology
Source of Support	David	David
Notable Achievements	2003 World Series MVP (at age 23), winning pitcher- 2007 MLB All-Star game	Released "This Groove" in 2003 (debuted at #3 on UK charts), called "inspiration for anorexics"
Net Worth	$12.1 million made as MLB player	£112 million
Eternal frizzy-haired Link...	Hanley Ramirez	Scary Spice
Favorite Hobby...	Killing Stags	Killer Handbags

Click here to see video of the Beckhams arriving the US (not entirely worth it).
Click here to see a dog with bulging muscles (seriously, do it).

Any likenesses between Josh and Posh that we missed? Feel free to leave a comment.

Note (7/19): (Thanks to Amanda)- "Lopez and her husband, Marc Anthony, are just two of the Beckhams' new Hollywood friends. They've also become close with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, though David insists that his family will not be Scientology's next celebrity converts. "Tom has never even talked to us about it, much less tried to push it on us," he says."

Celebrating the return of "Rickey being Rickey"

2007-07-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

Great news baseball fans- the immortal Rickey Henderson is back! Last week, the 48-year old "Man of Steal," told the Oakland Trib that he wanted to play for the A's in September. His 1-for-3 performance in the 2007 Celebrity All-Star game was so electrifying, that it must have caught the eye of Omar Minaya, for the Mets have hired Rickey to be their hitting coach. In celebration, the Lefty offers some Rickey highlights.

Top five Rickey Henderson quotes:

#5 "I like playing for Oakland, they have a very colorful uniform."

#4 "All I'm asking for is what I want."

#3 “Listen, people are always saying, ‘Rickey says Rickey.’ But it’s been blown way out of proportion. People might catch me, when they know I’m ticked off, saying, ‘Rickey, what the heck are you doing, Rickey?’ They say, ‘Darn, Rickey, what are you saying Rickey for? Why don’t you just say, ‘I?’ But I never did. I always said, ‘Rickey,’ and it became something for people to joke about.”

#2 "I'm like a branch floating in the breeze." (When asked if criticism from Yanks' boss George Steinbrenner bothered him)

#1 "Rickey's gonna be Rickey. Period. No matter what I'm going to do or play or come here early, I'm gonna be Rickey. Rickey is not going to change and not be himself. I've been in this world too long to try to change Rickey and what he does . My mother don't even try to change me. She raised me, but she ain't gonna change me."

Top Six Rickey Henderson Moments (I needed six):

#6 After striking out as a Seattle Mariner in 2000, a teammate heard Rickey say, “Don’t worry, Rickey, you’re still the best.”

#5 By hitting a homer on Ocober 5, 2001, Rickey broke Ty Cobb's 73-year old career record for runs scored. To commemorate the feat, he slowly rounded the bases, then slid into home plate.

#4 The phone call Rickey made to Padres GM Kevin Towers in which he left this voice message: “This is Rickey calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.”

#3 After his 73 game stint in 2002 with the Red Sox (at age 43) Sox Chairman Tom Werner asked Rickey what he would like for his ‘going-away’ gift. Bad move. Rickey wanted Werner's Mercedes. When the Red Sox made the gesture of buying Rickey a red T-Bird, he asked “Whose ugly car is on the field?”

#2: When Rickey was unsatisfied with his contract in 1992, he told the Sacramento Bee, "'I'm not happy, so I'm going to ask to be traded. It's been going on too long. I don't think I'm treated fairly. They don't deserve what I do." The next day, he said, "You are fools. It's a big joke. Rickey tricked everybody. Thank you all."

#1 And of course, when #24 broke Lou Brock's all-time stolen base record he addressed the Oakland fans with, "Today, I am the greatest of all-time." Lou Brock was standing next to him. He also handed out commemorative certificates to anyone who would take one that read, "I was there when Rickey Henderson broke Lou Brock's all-time stolen-base record of 938 with steal number 939." Classy!

Important note: Special Thanks to Baseball Almanac, a new Rickey article from from Newsday's Jim Baubach and a February post from the Random Burrito for supplying a wealth of "Rickey being Rickey" moments and quotes.

Fun with the "Nickname Generator" on the slowest day in sports

2007-07-11T15:02:00.000-07:00

So, I was running something (work related) through the trusty reference site, thesaurus.com and a typo resulted in a funny list of recommended alternative words. After a little experimentation, I found that this simple spell-checking device is like a "nickname generator". Mmmyeah, obviously this kind of thing happens when we don't have anything interesting to pay attention to in the sporting world. Here are some early results:

Hideki Okajima- Hideous Outcome

Albert Pujols- Alert Populous

Jorge Posada- Joke Post

Cole Hammels- Hole Harmless

Manny Acta- Man Acid

Oliver Perez- Silver Prize

Grady Sizemore- Great Seizure

Freddy Sanchez- Ready Snatch

Give it a whirl and comment below with your best effort.

Elisha and the Fitness Council

2007-07-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

Pardon me if you are already aware of this, but I was just stumbling around the ol' intranet and #1- found that Eli Manning's real first name is "Elisha". (From the President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports:)

"Elisha 'Eli' Manning of New Orleans, Louisiana – Mr. Manning was the number one pick of the 2004 NFL draft. In his first full season of play..." (Note: I dug a little and it turns out that "Elisha" is actually his Pops' Archie's middle name- not sure if runs deeper in the Manning bloodlines)

And #2- On a more important note (actually- maybe not) what the heck is going on with the President's Council on Physical Fitness? Of course, we could debate Scooter Libby's pardoning, or the continued occupation of Iraq, or any of these funny quotes, but the Lefty's blog is a sports blog!

The purpose of this council is as follows: "to recommend programs to the President and the Secretary of Health and Human Services which will encourage nationwide participation in physical fitness, physical activity and sports activities. In making these recommendations, the Council will seek to enhance blahblah blah- who cares. "

The only active athletes that were selected by the President for this council are Elisha and Andy Roddick. I guess I'm okay with Roddick, but if you have two choices to represent physical fitness, you choose Elisha Manning as one of them? Look at the guy.

If I'm forming this stupid-ass council, it would be made up of the following five (I figure that -with me making six- this would be a good number for wiffle ball on the White House lawn).

Tom Brady: Duh. If he says I should run, I believe him. If he says I should bite the head off a dead bat, I'd probably believe him.

Mark Philippoussis: A way better choice than Andy Roddick. Regardless of who is a better tennis player, Mark's crafty work with the kittens and cougars on NBC's "Age of Love" proves the guy is a fitness expert.

Peter Gammons: I think an elder statesman in the group would make the council seem more "legit" if we were ever asked about what we actually "did". Gammons is in Cooperstown for being believable.

Sonya Thomas: We definitely need a woman on our council. I'd add Thomas- the world's greatest female eater. The 99-lb. "Black Widow" once ate 167 chicken wings. Awesome.

John Daly: The fat chain-smoker could be referred to by the other members of the council as a visual aid. "If you don't stay fit, you'll grow a mullet and look like John here." Plus, I imagine Daly would be fun if the council decided to go to one of Elisha's parties.

Who am I missing? Leave a comment.

eBay item of the Day: Hideki Irabu starting lineup

2007-07-10T15:45:00.000-07:00

After the relative interest in my Pete Rose chewing gum post (a few sites linked to it, including this San Antonio columnist), I've decided to periodically post items that catch my eye from the internet's junkyard- eBay.

Today, we feature item #110147312799 - a Hideki Irabu Starting Lineup figurine. Beautiful. The seller sure is on the money with his pitch:

"UP FOR AUCTION IS THE 1998 YANKEES HIDEKI IRABO ROOKIE STARTING LINEUP OF THIS GREAT SUPER STAR"

Right now, the bidding seems to have stalled at $0.99. Lets see if we can push it over the $1 mark! What happened to these things? In my adolescent head (twenty years ago), I envisioned myself eventually parting with the plastic figurines in exchange for a briefcase of large, unmarked bills.

A quick glance at eBay reveals that my collection- still sealed in their Kenner time capsule packaging- is worth less than I originally bought them for. When you consider that the $7 I forked over at the time was usually 100% of my weekly income, the investment seems even more Worldcom-esque. Sure I can understand how my "Bip" Roberts isn't valuable enough to exchange for a new car, but by now, I figured my John Olerud rookie would at least be able to help me make a down payment on a mansion or a helicopter.

I suppose the only way to help these four-inch icons bounce back as financial commodities is to show the world that there is still a great interest in them. C'mon- lets see who can get this Irabu rookie back up into the $5 where he belongs! No? Okay, then at least leave me a comment telling me about your favorite starting lineups.

I'll start- I melted Al Toon in the microwave.

"Granderson is rounding second, heading for history..."

2007-07-09T14:26:00.000-07:00

One of baseball's most impressive achievements with half a season in the books is going largely unnoticed. Heading into the All-Star break, Curtis Granderson has 15 triples in 85 games. Let's put that into perspective:

Chief Wilson set the single season record for triples with 36 in 1912. However, baseball was an entirely different game ninety-five years ago, so its pointless to even use Wilson's total when looking at what Granderson is doing. According to baseball-reference.com:

"Forbes Field was the top place for hitting triples, the 1912 Pittsburgh Pirates hit so many that they would have led the league even if Wilson hadn't hit any that year, and the National League as a whole hit 685 triples that year, still the record."

Since baseball was integrated in 1947, Dale Mitchell's 23 triples in '49 are the most in a single season. The Tigers center fielder is on pace to hit a staggering 26 three-baggers if he plays in 155 games this season (he played in 159 in '06). In the last half century, only two players have hit more than 20- White Sox CF Lance Johnson hit 21 trips in 1996 and Willie Wilson also legged out 21, in 1985.

So, a 26 triple season by Granderson would represent a 25% increase over any amount hit in a single season over the last half-century. For a player to achieve such a leap in other statistical categories, one would have to reach the following plateaus:

- 91 home runs (Barry Bonds hit 73 in 2001)
- 206 RBI (Manny Ramirez drove in 165 in '99)
- 163 stolen bases (Rickey Henderson stole 130 in '82)
- 328 hits (Ichiro rapped out 262 hits in '04)
- 74 doubles (Todd Helton hit 59 in '00)

You get the idea. Can it be said that hitting 26 triples would be as impressive as a player pounding out 263 hits? Of course not. However, Granderson's historic pace should be recognized as one for the ages.

Note: As he mentions on his ESPN blog, Granderson's myspace page (the official one) crashed when he tried to "send out multiple birthday greetings to friends". Just so you are aware.

The Lefty's first half MLB awards

2007-07-09T09:52:00.000-07:00

For the usual non-official first half honorees (MVPs, Cy Youngs...) check out Jason Stark's list. For a list of the important first half winners, keep reading.

- The Rusty Kuntz Cup (best name): Had to consider Coco Crisp, but "Coco" is technically Covelli Loyce Crisp's nickname. Jared Saltalamacchia had to be considered for his record-breakingly lengthy tag, but not good enough. The Kuntz cup goes to... Reds reliever Jon Coutlangus. This is a deceptively filthy name in the tradition of Mr. Kuntz and the great Dick Such.

- The Rob Deer Trophy (outstanding achievement in the field of striking out): Adam Dunn. Dunn has 105 whiffs at the break. While he flirted with the 200 K mark in 2004 and narrowly missed breaking his own record in 2006, we believe '07 could be the year Adam Dunn hits two hondo.

- The Pascual Perez Award (ugliest look): With apologies to Julian Tavarez, Randy Johnson and Jay Gibbons,who have taken the natural approach to looking absolutely terrible, the Perez award goes to Scott Speizio (right). He has purposely grown a four inch crimson rat-tail underneath his lower lip. If Astros minor leaguer Ezequiel Astacio makes it back to the bigs, he'll no doubt walk away with season-ending honors.

- The Pavano Award (player who is doing wonderfully for a team nobody cares about, but will no doubt crumble if brought to a place that actually watches baseball): The award goes to... Tampa Bay 1st baseman Carlos Pena. Pena hadn't contributed to a major league club over any substantial stretch since '04. This season? He has inexplicably outproduced almost every 1st baseman in the game- crushing 20 HRs while driving in 52 for the D'Rays. However, you get the feeling that if Carlos left the Trop, his magical powers would "Pavano" into a sticky mess.

- The John Heder Trophy (colossal disappointment) Alex Gordon, Royals. Though he flashed some of his uber-prospect potential in June (.325 BA , 14 RBI), Gordon has stumbled badly in his first major league season, hitting .232 while whiffing a Dunn-like 73 times. Not only was Gordon nominated for the Deer trophy, but was considered for the Perez Award with his interesting "could be 'roids, could be weed" look. Regardless, Gordon- the '05 Golden Spikes award winner and top draft pick of the same year- was supposed to be one of the game's most exciting young talents. Julio Lugo and his .197 batting average could have easily won this award, but he has stolen some bases (22) and driven in 40 RBI.

If you have any other award nominees of your own, please feel free to comment!

Vacationland!

2007-07-06T07:25:00.000-07:00

For my "lefty loyalistas", I won't be posting anything further until Monday. I'm vacationing in Vacationland- a return to my home state of Maine. To prove it (like you need proof or something), here are some snapshots the little woman took of a traffic jam- Maine style. This was yesterday. (Go ahead and click on them for a bigger view)

Meet the "Hagadone"!

2007-07-06T06:54:00.000-07:00

Doesn't "Hagadone" sound like a large omnivorous dinosaur? Whatever the case, I found Nick Hagadone roaming around Fenway Park earlier this week, before he signed this deal with the Sox. It was the first visit to the Fens for the Sox' top pick in the '07 draft. The 6'5" 21 year old southpaw recently closed out a distinguished career at U. Washington where he teamed with SF Giants phenom Tim Lincecum to form one of the nation's scariest collegiate flame throwing tandems. He was used effectively as a starter and closer, going 6-1 with a 2.77 ERA and 72 Ks in 68.1 IP for the Huskies in '07.

Here's what the large, baseball loving species known as the "Hagadone" had to say:

As he tells us in the interview, his first stop in pro ball is class-A Lowell, where he reported Tuesday.

Double your pleasure- forget Bonds ball!

2007-07-04T15:34:00.000-07:00

Note: Another referral from deadspin- the lefty's blog is cookin'! Much appreciated, Leitch!

There's been plenty of talk regarding the value of the inevitable Barry Bonds 756th home run ball, which means that- amidst all the madness- some astute memorabilia collectors could find some pretty sweet deals on gems like this.

On eBay, Rose's A-B-C gum is selling with an autographed helmet and an empty RC cola can that bears his resemblance. Who cares? You get the man's DNA! At last check, 5 people have bid on the hit king's gum. Apparently, Rose "spit the wad out in disgust" after striking out. The sad part is that Rose probably couldn't afford to buy his own gum off eBay if he wanted to.

Rangers secret weapon?

2007-07-04T14:46:00.001-07:00

What do you get for the country that has everything? On this day- the 231st birthday of the good ole' U.S. of A, I offer up Texas Rangers CF Kenny Lofton pitching. While goofing around prior to batting practice on Monday (July 1), Kenny decided to get all Frank Tanana on us. He was throwing to Victor Diaz, who seemed mildly impressed by Lofton's repertoire (featuring a knuckle ball, slider, change and a fastball that wasn't too different from the change-up). By the way, The Bry Guy shot this- be a pal and check out one of the best boxing blogs on the web. By the way America- if my Lofton offering isn't a solid birthday present- maybe you'll like my new ink better.

Lofton pitching: is it entertaining? Maybe not. Is this the only blog where you'll find it? Yup.

Dressing kids- a major league challenge

2007-07-02T23:12:00.000-07:00

The wives of Jason Varitek, Ron Mahay, Joe Borowski and Doug Mirabelli (how did this crew assemble?) created this website , after confronting the unenviable task of spending "a long time trying to outfit their kids to attend baseball games".

Holy friggin' crap. I'm imagining Tatum Borowski furiously rummaging through her kids' mammoth walk-in closets trying to spot something "comfy and chic." See, this is difficult, because "Children of athletes endure the public eye and are always looking for the newest ways to show support to their parents as well as look adorable." I tried to add an html code that would allow you to puke in a tidy box somewhere within this blog post, but I couldn't find it.

Note: Deadspin- The giant of sports related sarcasm has linked to lefty's blog. Awesome.

Jacoby Ellsbury: Runs fast, speaks softly

2007-07-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

The word "phenom" tends to be tossed around fairly liberally in baseball circles. It's a slang term used to describe a young talent who has exceptional skill. Well, I suppose that possessing the ability to run like Clark Kent in his prime earns you such a tag. Jacoby Ellsbury made his big league debut this weekend,and the 2005 first round selection of the Boston Red Sox showed why he is regarded as the finest athletic talent to come through the Boston system since the pre-Mia days of Nomar. Earlier today, I was part of a chat that the soft-but well-spoken rookie had with six or seven media members who surrounded him near his locker (which doesn't even have the official nameplate yet!).

Note: Joe Haggerty of Hacks with Haggs, the Boston Metro, ESPN radio and just about every other media outlet that exists in New England was in this media scrum as well. He asked the most pointed questions- regarding Ellsbury's speed, and what he learned from his time spent on an Indian reservation (the 23-year old is Navajo Indian). On a related note, Haggs offered this blog's first official "shout out", which is much appreciated.

Q: What’s the biggest difference between AAA pitching and the bigs?

Ellsbury: Everything happens a little quicker. Pitchers are making adjustments and hitters are making adjustments a lot quicker as well, so the adjustments, I’d say are the biggest difference.

Q: The center field at Fenway is so different than it is in Pawtucket (AAA) or Portland (AA)- Are you getting your bearings out there?

JE: I’ve been working on it. The dimensions are a lot different than most ballparks, but, just like any new ballpark, I try to get a feel for it as soon as possible.

Q: What’s the best piece of advice you’ve gotten from this locker room since you’ve been here?

JE: Just to go out and have a good time. Play like you have and have a good time. It’s the same game, (smiles) just a little bit more people watching. My first game- the drive up here I was more nervous than once I got to the field, once I got to the clubhouse, once I stepped on the field, I felt at home- I felt comfortable- a comfort zone. It’s been a great experience, big league debut at Fenway ballpark in front of a sellout crowd- ya know- a great experience.

Q: How do you feel your speed will help you (at this level)?

JE: It gets me on base. Infielders have a tendency to rush throws. They have to come up and charge the ball to throw me out. And defensively, it puts pressure on the defense. If I hit a ball in the gap, it forces them to rush their throw, and it can create extra base hits.

Q: Who are some of your idols growing up?

JE: Ken Griffey Jr. By far. Him being left handed, and being from the Northwest, being a center fielder,

Q: Players talk about their “welcome to the Big leagues” moment. Have you already had that, or are you still waiting for it?

JE: Getting that first hit. The standing ovation from the crowd was a great moment. Stepping on the field for the first time. There has been a lot of great moments so far. I’m still waiting to get that first win, that’s the biggest thing.

Q: Are the rumors of the 4.2 second 40-yard dash speed true?

JE: I’ve run a 4.2 (second) forty (yard dash), and a sixty as well. Six-two. I did it at scout day in college, I ran a 6.29 in the sixty (yard dash), but I haven’t run a forty of late.

Q: Have you picked up some speed since then?

JE: I think from the training I’ve been doing in the off-season, I’ve put on some weight (goes on to say that he hasn’t really gained weight, but has gained strength). I don’t know if I’ve gotten faster, but I’ve definitely maintained that. Maybe I’m a little bit quicker.

Q: What’s the toughest part of transitioning from college ball to pro ball?

JE: I’d say the toughest thing is preparing your body to play every day. Mentally and physically. That’s the biggest thing- you play three times a week in college, and in pro ball you play every single day.

Q: What are you passionate about, besides baseball?

JE: In the off-season, I like to relax. Golf. Not really do too much. I’m from a small town, just that small town atmosphere in the off season is what I like.

Q: Can you tell us how proud you are of your Navajo heritage?

JE: I’m very proud. I had the chance when I was younger to live on an Indian reservation. It opened up my eyes to a lot of different things. I’m definitely proud of it and I’m working with my mother, learning Navajo. My mother speaks it fluently, so I’m looking to improve on that.

Q: What kinds of things did you learn on the Indian Reservation?

JE: Just cultural differences. I mean, even my high school was a one third Hispanic, a third white and a third Native American, so from that perspective, you just see different cultures and how they interact, and language barriers, so at a young age I was exposed to it so it’s helped me out just to understand people from different nations. Latin communities and I think it’s a positive thing.

Q: How much did that help you when you got to the college level, and pro level?

JE: I’d say the biggest thing is just relating to them. Being open to them right away- introducing yourself, and then being comfortable with them. When you look around Major League baseball, there’s a lot of races and ethnicities, and its something that’s easy for me to deal with.

Note- After tonight's 7-3 victory over the Rangers, Terry Francona said that Coco Crisp will likely be ready to rejoin the Sox lineup on Tuesday, when the Sox host Tampa Bay. Crisp has been nursing a sprained thumb. According to Francona, Coco's thumb only "hurts when he first puts his glove on." The return of Crisp casts doubt on how much longer Ellsbury will enjoy his current stint with the big club.

Trivia question: Only one other major league baseball player in the last half-century is Native American. Who is he? (submit comment below- winner gets a tube sock)

2007-07-02T08:51:00.000-07:00

I don't see Theo breaking the bank for this import:

While this is funny, wouldn't it be much more hilarious if that guy with the aluminum bat rocked a liner back into this joker's chest? No? Okay.

Analyzing the AL East- as motorcoaches

2007-07-01T07:43:00.001-07:00

I believe it was Peter Gammons who said, "On the road of life, there are passengers and there are drivers." Actually, wait- no. I think that was a Subaru ad. Whatever the case, here is a comparison of the current state of American League East teams and automobiles.

Boston Red Sox (1st place, 49-30)- TOYOTA AVALON- We haven't gone with a model this, well, Japanese before. This thing works better than we thought! I mean, yeah, we paid for the nicer model with the extra features, but I didn't didn't think I'd be so happy with it. And if we feel up to it, it still has room for upgrades (Lester, the annual shortstop replacement). Still, we can't be certain how well it'll perform once the weather starts to turn in October.

Toronto Blue Jays (2nd place, 39-41, 10.5 games back, 7.5 back in Wild Card race)- VW GOLF- Safe, dependable, foreign. While always pretty decent, nobody is envious of a product that has a couple nice features (Vernon Wells, Halladay, good gas mileage), yet rarely turns heads. For the record, I drive a golf and I am not a jays fan. Probably time for a new "whip".

New York Yankees (3rd place, 37-40, 11 games back, 8 back in Wild Card race)
- ANY LATE MODEL JAGUAR- Are parts that cost this much money supposed to break down so often? While once the finest that money could buy, deep-pocketed yet impractical ownership has led to a product that just doesn't carry the same luster it used to. Will always have its loyal supporters, but sure doesn't resemble its classy, dominant forefathers.

Baltimore Orioles (4th place, 35-44, 14 games back, 11 back in Wild Card race)
- HUMMER H2-This was cool idea at first. Big price tag, highly visible. Then, after commuting regularly in this money-pit, you realize that you've invested everything in a stunning combination of high cost/poor performance. Too bad 36 monthly payments still exist. Where can I park this thing?

Tampa Bay Devil Rays (5th place, 33-46, 16 games back, 13 back in Wild Card race)- HYUNDAI TIBURON- Sure it looks hot, but it's still a Hyundai anyway you cut it. Don't fool yourself into thinking its a sporty alternative, this is not something you want to have anything to do with. They even both have weird, undiscernable "fishy-like" logos. Some major malfunctions (Edwin Jackson, Rocco).

From Sparky to Spaceman: the Sox greatest southpaws

2007-06-29T08:18:00.000-07:00

With the imminent arrival of Southpaw phenom (and cancer survivor) Jon Lester, I wondered who the best Red Sox lefty of all time might be. Whenever you come up with a list like this, you have to break it into two groups: those most dominant over a given span, and those with the most impressive body of work. Here are the Sox most stupendous Southpaws...

Best single seasons with the Sox:

#6- Mickey McDermott (1953)
McDermott- who looked like a malnourished giraffe, went 18-10 with a 3.01 ERA in '53. He was supposed to be the next Lefty Grove, but he never put it together beyound this season. This famous Norman Rockwell painting was based on McD's rookie call up in 1948, when he was 19.

#5- Bill Lee (1973)
'73 was a breakout season for Lee. Tabbed as a regular starter for the first time in his career, he responded with a 17-11 record and 18 complete games and 120 strikeouts. This was the only season in the "the Spaceman's" 14-year career that he ever whiffed more than 100 hitters. To appreciate the Spaceman, check out his quotes.

#4- Robert Moses Lefty" Grove (1937)
Grove never really had a a dominant season with the Sox. He won 20 games once with the Sox ('35), but he was better in 1937. As I wrote that , I feel the need to assure you that I do have a life. A girlfriend, even. In any event, in 1937, Grove stuck out 153 and won 17 games while posting a 3.02 ERA. Bottom line- either 1935 or '37 could be called his best year in Boston, but neither season exhibited his greatness that he showed in earlier campaigns with the Philly A's.

#3- Bruce Hurst (1988)
His only all-star campaign came the year before ('87), but all in all, I'll take this 18-6 season as his best, which sadly, was the lefty's last in Boston. I think '88 was really the year that I started watching the Sox, and I liked that Hurst threw the ball from the correct side. I respected that about him. He also whiffed 166 batters in '88. Hurst's best year probably would have been the 1986 AL Championship season had he not gotten hurt- he posted a 2.99 ERA in 25 starts.

#2- Mel Parnell (1949)
For some reason his nickname was "Dusty". If anyone knows why, keep it to yourself, smart ass. Mel's best season was undoubtedly 1949. He went 25-7 with a 2.77 ERA. Those numbers woud stand up in any era. He only K'd 122 in 295 innings, but he completed, wait for it...TWENTY SEVEN games in thirty three starts. Lets not rain on my parade with any of those "well, thats what they did back in those days" arguments.

#1- Babe Ruth (1916)
At the age of 21, Ruth started 41 games, and went 23-12. His 170 strikeouts were third in the AL and his 6.4 hits allowed per nine innings was by far and away the best in the league. Ruth's 1.70 ERA was also the best in the junior circuit. Downside- he only hit three homers. "No no Nanette" was a sucky play, and Ruth's '16 season was the best ever by a Sox southpaw.

Best Careers with the Sox:

#5- Bill Lee (1969-1978)
"The Spaceman" got his nickname when, looking at the Green Monster for the first time, asked, ""Do they leave it there during games?" He also admitted to sprinkling marijuana on his cereal. Whatever. Lee won 94 games while losing 68 for the Sox in his decade in Boston. This lefty won 17 games in three straight seasons as the Sox contended in the mid-seventies.

#4- Robert Moses "Lefty" Grove (1934-1941)
Admittedly, Grove's best year's were behind him when he came to Fenway (he was the MVP in 1931), but the guy was still awesome for the Sox as he closed out the last eight seasons of his career in Boston. He was 41 when it was all said and done, compiling a 105-62 record. He was inducted into Cooperstown in 1947.

#3- Babe Ruth (1914-1919)
He's not the fattest Sox pitcher ever. For info on that particular player, scroll to my previous post. Ruth was 89-46 with the Sox in six years. His career ERA was 2.28. Even in the deadball era- these numbers are great. Despite what you may have heard, he retired after a tidy career as a dependable starter for the Sox.

#2- Bruce Hurst (1980-1988)
Hurst is the not only the best Sox lefty of the last thirty years, but he's one of the finest pitchers in Boston history. His 88 wins place him 19th on the Sox all-time, but more impressively, his 1,043 Ks are the most by any lefty to wear a Red Sox uniform. I was surprised by how high he is (6th) on this list- right behind el Tiante and ahead of Joe Wood, Bill Monboquette and Jim Lonborg.

#1- Mel Parnell (1947-1956)
Parnell played every game of his major league career for the Red Sox and is the club's all-time winningest lefty (123-75). The team's ace and workhorse during the Ted Wiliams era, he actually saved three games in the same season he threw 21 complete games. Different era, I know, but still- he's the best lefty in Sox history.

Honorable mention:

Sparky Lyle-He was a quality reliever as a rook on the '67 "impossible dream" team 2.28 ERA in 27 appearances, and was the team's bullpen ace for the next few seasons. He was much better as a Yankee. I think it had to do with growing this moustache.

Dick Ellsworth- Went 16-7 for the '68 Sox. He was nicknamed "tricky Dick" after he bit a chunk of flesh out of Dick Williams cheek. Clearly, I made that up. Just seeing if you are still reading.

Gary Peters- Won 16 games for the 1970 Sox. Congratulations, Gary- you made someone's blog. Thats likely a first.

Frankie Viola- Well past his prime, the three-time All-Star managed to win 24 games for the Sox between '92 and '93, when he posted impressive ERAs of 3.44 and 3.14 respectively.

Return of el Guapo!

2007-06-28T14:44:00.001-07:00

There's something so funny about watching Rich Garces pitch. I think its why he was regarded as a cult hero in the late 90's with the Sox. Sure, the guy was legit- in the 115 innings "el Guapo" threw in his heyday ('99-'00), he posted a 2.67 ERA and a 13-2 record out of Boston's 'pen. Watching the stout Guapo running out of the bullpen is appealing to baseball fans not because it's an oddity, but just the opposite. If a guy who looks like the objext he's throwing can strike out Derek Jeter, it refreshes the possibly that anyone can. The human gordito defies odds, and thats why we love him. I recently talked to Garces, who at age 36 is resurrecting his career in the Can-Am league, the lowest rung of professional baseball. Meet(all over again) the man who shatters every athletic stereotype known to man- "el Guapo"...

I talked to Nashua pitching coach Dan Lemon about his mighty righty (he's converted all nine of his save chances as of 6/28), and Lemon says that Guapo is checking as high as 90 mph. Apparently, he was throwing a tad harder than this over the Winter in the Venezuelan winter league, where he was honored as the league's releiver of the year. his velocity dipped after a five month rest period before agreeing to throw for Nashua, suggesting that someone should take a chance on him.

That said, another source close to the Pride and Garces told me that he believes that even if a major league club wanted to take a flier on Guapo, he'd decline. Guapo has two young daughters that he might not want to relocate so soon, and according to Guapo himself, "They treat me like a president who just got off the plane here."